How to Explain Death to a Child

I feel like I'm being too serious with my posts (and this certainly is a serious one). I would like to be more witty and fun, but my main purpose of this blog is to keep track of my children's lives and the events in them. Tonight I had a doozie.

My oldest's mood deteriorated this afternoon after he got home from school. He and I had butt heads over his use of the computer (not like moms been on too much today) and lack of helping me with any chores. He was grumpy and downright mean to me. Finally, at bedtime, he asked if he could talk with me in his room. After some back and forth that made no sense to me, he finally admitted that he had been thinking of his grandfather who passed away four years ago. At the time my son was 5~who knew what an effect it would have on him. It has become obvious, especially tonight, that he is at the age where he is putting a lot of thought into life, love, loss and all that comes with the loss of a loved one.

Tonight he told me that he is bothered by his inability to change things in his life. After some questioning, I found that he is feeling guilty about decisions he has made (not serious decisions-but ones a 9 year old would be bothered by like not showing respect to his mother). He is obviously becoming concerned with the mortality of me, my husband and his other grandparents. And feeling guilty about times when maybe he hasn't behaved for us. I told him that, although he can't take back poor decisions he's made, he absolutely can change that behavior in the future and that we all need to work on that (including me). I told him that, although I wish Grampy were still with us, he lived a long, happy life with his family and he was fortunate with all he had. I told him that death is a part of life, but if you've lived a long, productive, happy life then that's all that matters. I told him that his father and I plan on being here for a long time and he is not to worry about us.

This boy is so sensitive and so much more in tune than I give him credit for. He told me that he is upset that his Grampy never got to meet the twins and hasn't been able to share any of the important accomplishments in his life. I tried to explain to him that his dad and I feel the same way, but that Grampy is watching over us and does see what he and his brothers and sisters are doing every day. The disappointing part for us is that we are unable to share these moments with Grampy and see for ourselves how proud he is of us.

My heart broke for him because I remember having these same feelings after my first granmother past away. Being a parent is so difficult at every stage and I can only hope that I did right by him with our conversation.